A Press Release from the Ministry for Temporal Affairs
Minister for Temporal Affairs
Nigel Thwart (Lib-Dem) is releasing today guidelines for the
coalition's plan to save £120 billion by cancelling the new year. 'We
found that 1983 was still in excellent condition. Military
chronologists have refurbished the year and put it into place to be
serving us again starting shortly after 23:59 GMT on 31/12/2010. The
year has functioned flawlessly in intensive testing, and we are
confident that it will meet all the nations chronological needs through
December, if not longer. We do recommend early bedtimes, though, to
avoid overstressing the slightly threadbare post-midnight hours.'
'We reject claims of some malcontents that the Liberal Democrats have
violated the pledge famously signed in blood by Nick Clegg and other
party leaders to "move the country into the future". This is a
coalition government, and we cannot expect to govern as we would like
to had we a majority. We are most proud of our party's influence to
moderate the initial Conservative Party plan to return to 1940, which
is currently owned by the Smithsonian Institute in Washington. While
this year would have been substantially cheaper, the Liberal Democrats
maintain that such a regressive move would blatantly contradict our
election manifesto pledge.
'The year will be sold to a consortium of private investors, and leased
back by the Crown, leaving the taxpayers with substantial savings.
'We are confident that it will still be possible to modify the year to introduce a referendum on election reform.'